Tuesday, October 24, 2017

A Brief History of the Bullshot

Disclaimer 1: This is a recycled post I wrote five years ago and am bringing back aboard the Pattiwagon for all to enjoy. 
Disclaimer 2: This blog post may contain adult language and thematic material. 

Sorry. Patti Wagon is not one given to gratuitous cussing, but this picture definitely deserves a DOUBLE U - TEE - EF is going on here? 

Let's break it down. You might have noticed that these people are playing cards. You might also have a few questions. Like, "What are they playing?" Or, "Who's winning?" Or, "WHY ARE THE CARDS SO EFFING BIG?" Unfortunately, I can answer none of those questions for you. 

What I'm drawn to in this picture are the beverages, specifically the beverage of one Mr. Mike Dickens, seated at nine o'clock. I have taken the liberty to label all beverages, as you may want to refer back to the photo. 

The beverage labeled "bullshot" has been as ubiquitous in my summers as lightning bugs. While other children were probably learning the ratio of koolaide to water or perfecting the amount of chocolate syrup to add to milk, Clayton children were learning to make bullshots. By the way, no photographic evidence of the bullshot sweatshop exists. (DCS is a scary entity.) I made so many batches of bullshots growing up that I had the recipe memorized before I could even have a taste. 

Once I was able to taste the fruits of my labor, I realized why we made batch after batch. This concoction is that good. It has all the qualities of a bloody mary, but it's not heavy, making dangerously easy to drink.  It requires the cheapest Vodka you can buy, making it a drink for the people. And you can mix up a big batch and save it in the fridge to drink for the duration of your vacation, making it the perfect go-to cocktail. (By the way, this is definitely a vacation drink. Do not attempt to consume at any other time. Will not be the same.) 

So, what is the bullshot, you ask? Brace yourself. It's basically vodka + tomato juice + beef juice. Disgusting, right? -- No!  And excuse my blasphemy. If you've ever heard the "Don't knock it till you try it" speech, this is the time to heed that advice. 

Bullshot = Perfection in a glass. 

Years of making and drinking bullshots continued until a couple years ago, when one of the six ingredients was discontinued. For some reason, Mott's decided that the seven people who were buying Beefamato weren't actually generating the company enough profit to justify its production. (Can you imagine that?) We bought all we could, but that stockpile eventually ran out. (Thank you for your condolences.)

This year, I decided I was not going to have a bullshot-less summer, so I set out to recreate the recipe, sans Beefamato. After much experimentation, an array of ingredients, and the assistance of two willing taste testers, I found the El Dorado of cocktail recipes. 

Wolfschmidt Vodka, only the finest.

All beef broths are not created equal. 

Ratio Rationing

Bullshot retooling complete! Papa Clayton agrees.

Here's the recipe: 

For one drink: 
1 part condensed beef broth (I used Campbell's)
3/4 part tomato juice (I used homemade and Campbell's. Not much difference.)
1/4 part vodka (cheapest you can buy)
dashes of lemon juice, tabasco sauce, and Worcestershire sauce

Mix all ingredients together and serve over ice. 

For a batch: 
2-10 oz cans condensed beef broth
15 oz tomato juice
5 oz vodka
big dashes of lemon juice, tabasco sauce, and Worcestershire sauce

Mix all ingredients and chill in the fridge until ready to drink. Serve over ice.