Schland, O Schland!

As you probably know, I heart Deutschland, and my love for the Vaterland is never more apparent than in Weltmeisterschaft season. I proudly don my Podolski jersey, talk about the Fussballgott Müller to anyone who will listen, and of course partake in the food and beverage of choice. Here I am in '10 pressing my thumbs (the German version of crossing one's fingers).

German food is, in a word, soflippingdeliciousiwanttobeburiedinit. The staples of German cuisine are meat (most often pork, most often roasted), potatoes (most often fried), and beer. What's not to love? Unless you're vegetarian or on a low-carb diet, and in that case, you've got bigger problems.

To celebrate Germany's massive win over Portugal (4:0!!!), I decided to cook up a specialty of the Schwäbisch (southwestern) area of Germany: spätzle. (By the way, Thomas Müller, if you're reading this, I know you're married and all, but I am totally willing to be a sister wife, cook you spätzle, teach your children English, help you find proper socks, etc. SMS me.)

Back to the dish. Spätzle are raggedy egg noodles, boiled, fried, and often served with cheese and fried onions. Think German macaroni and cheese. I had never made them before, but after my success with homemade pasta, I was confident.

I followed this recipe, and it worked perfectly. The pancake-like batter came together perfectly. The hardest part about spätzle is getting the noodles into the boiling water. As much as you want homemade spaghetti noodles to be uniform and beautiful, you want spätzle to be un-uniform and un-beautiful. Both ends of the spectrum are surprisingly hard to do!

I first tried my metal steamer basket turned upside down. I pressed the batter through the holes, and it worked okay, but I found that the batter that stuck to the steamer was cooking faster than I could get it pressed through the holes, so I quickly went to Plan B.

My next attempt involved a plastic bag filled with the batter. I poked four large-ish holes in the bottom, held it above the boiling water, and then squeezed intermittently, so that the batter would come out. This was easy, involved little clean-up, and produced just scraggly enough looking spätzle.

I let them boil in batches for a few minutes. The recipe says 5-8. Mine needed more like 2-3. They'll rise to the top and expand when they are finished. I fished them out and transferred them to an ice bath.

To serve, I heated up some bacon grease (because bacon) and butter (because butter) in a pan and added the spätzle. I let the noodles heat back up and get just barely golden brown. At the end of cooking, I threw in a handful of cheese. (I had Colby jack on hand. Emmenthaler is more authentic.) Fried onions are also a traditional topper. 

Auf geht's, Jungs!! Wir wollen den Titel Nummer Vier!

When Life Hands You Two Flattened Bread Disks

I was making some sourdough bread a few weeks ago. It was my first batch in awhile, so I was feeling pretty psyched about having freshly baked bread to go along with all the freshly canned jam in my house. Everything went smoothly until the final rise. I set it out on the counter and headed to dinner, expecting to return a couple hours later to bake it. Dinner went long and turned into trivia, and frankly, when trivia calls, Pattiwagon answers. So when I arrived home four hours later, I was met with two flattened discs of dough. I immediately put them in the oven, hoping for some immaculate levitation. Did not happen, and they came out of the oven as such:

I tried one slice, and it was a lot more like biscotti and a lot less like bread. That's when the cogs started turning. One of my favorite things about cooking and crafting is problem solving. It is here where I feel my most creative (and my most profane). I knew I wanted to do a pressed picnic sandwich with one loaf. I made a sandwich like this for my tubing trip a couple years ago. I didn't take any photographs then, so while it was blog-worthy, it never made the cut. Now the perfect opportunity presented itself. So, on to the recipe!

I first sliced the loaf open and scooped out excess breadiness on both the top and the bottom (instant breadcrumbs!). 

Then I mixed together mayonnaise and pesto and schmeared it (heavily), again on both the top and the bottom.

I layered on salami, capicola, provolone, marinated artichokes, and sun-dried tomatoes. Sounds like a good sandwich, right? If you're patient, it will get even better.

I put the top back on, wrapped the whole loaf in plastic wrap, and set it in my fridge with my iron skillet (and a brick) on top. I let it sit for 24 hours. Totally worth it.

This is a great picnic sandwich for several reasons. 1. It's delicious. 2. It gets better with age. 3. It's not going to suffer from getting squished at the bottom of your cooler. In fact, it will thrive here. You don't have to mess up sourdough bread to make it though. I recommend ciabatta or foccacia as excellent bread options. 

For the other loaf, I made a "calzone." I scooped out all the excess bread again, but this time, I filled the cavity with pizza toppings - tomato sauce, sausage, pepperoni, onions, green pepper, and a healthy amount of cheese. I put the lid on, wrapped it foil, and baked it at 350 for about 45 minutes. 

The crusts were a little bread-heavy. I would make them a little thinner or just pile pizza toppings up to the edge. 

It turned out quite nicely, but it was difficult to eat, so I don't recommend this one with as much gusto as the pressed sandwich. However, the cold leftovers the next day made a perfect pizza sandwich, which would be a great treat in your picnic basket this summer. 

I Hope You Like Jammin' Too

So many jam puns...only one post title....

About a month ago, I went to hear Marisa McClellan of www.foodinjars.com speak at a book signing in Memphis. She did a canning demo, and it was great fun for the small audience. Her latest book is all about small batch canning, which is very appealing for various obvious reasons, namely the lack of storage and lack of jam eaters in my house. But it would also enable me to experiment more freely. If something doesn't go right, I'm only throwing away a couple pints, as opposed to a couple quarts. I tucked away all of her tips and waited until strawberry season, which was very late this year. 

[Side note on strawberry season: It's the best I've seen in at least five years. Go now, Memphis, because it won't last much longer.]

I experimented several years ago with cooked jam with little luck. It requires a ton of sugar, and when you cook it, the strawberries lose a lot of their integrity. Also, I just prefer the flavor of freezer jam. So I've been a religious freezer every year since. (Here's a post on jam freezing from 2012.) With Marisa's tips in hand though, I was ready to try some small batches of cooked jam. 

I first cooked the honey sweetened recipe found here. And NO DICE! All four half pints were immediately dumped. I'm not sure what went wrong, but it was sickeningly sweet and never really came together like jam should. 

Next, I tried the strawberry rhubarb rosewater jam, and this one looks and feels a lot more like jam, but the rosewater tastes like soap to me. Maybe it was brand issue with the rosewater, or maybe I just don't like rosewater, but I will not be making that again. One positive did come of this experiment. It was my first foray into rhubarb, and I have to say, I'll be inviting him back to my house next season. Delightful!

Here are some pictures of the process: 

Final product, you are beautiful, but you taste like sh*t. 

So, what did I do with the rest of my berries? Freezer jam, of course!

#MeMadeMay

I originally saw this hashtag on Refashionista's blog and decided I wanted to participate. It's an Instagram project in which users wear an article of clothing they have made every day of the month of May. Simple enough, right? I started off well but faltered around the second weekend, lacking any homemade lounge clothes. Here are few of the items I've worn so far:

    

    

  

      

If you recognize some of these, congrats! You win a gold star for being an avid Pattiwagoneer! If you want to see the rest of the month, follow me on Instagram @pcc0383

The third weekend rolled around and I decided to refashion something new (oxymoron?). It's a simple enough project and only took me a couple hours. I made the bows out of black cotton fabric according to these directions.

Then I split open the back of an old shirt, pinned bias tape up the sides to hide the potentially fraying edges, and sewed the bows on. I wish I had cut off some extra fabric because the shirt is now a little too loose. Oh well, I'm lounging in it right now on this lazy Sunday. #learningexperience

I'm calling it my "ooh lala shirt."

New Favorites

New favorite way to chop an onion:

Score the onion horizontally and vertically, then just slide over your mandolin. (You do have a mandolin, right???) Magically, perfectly sized onion pieces appear below.

New favorite way to cook a turkey:
With mayonnaise!

Some thoughts on mayonnaise: So I know certain people exist who do not enjoy foods such as mayonnaise, cream cheese, and sour cream. I don't know how you survive. I'm sure you've heard it before, but you are missing out on A LOT. Mayonnaise may be my current favorite ingredient. (Have I told you that my 30s are going to be my binge decade?) And, just so we're clear, there is only one brand of mayonnaise. That would be Hellmann's. And there's only one type. That would be in a jar with a royal blue lid. Get that squeezable low-fat crap out of here. And to all you mayonnaise haters, I recommend behavior therapy. Life is just better with mayo.

So I made this turkey breast last week, and it was positively perfection. I used chicken stock instead of the wine/beer. I recommend this technique to any and all turks out there. With my leftovers, I paid homage to my old Kentucky home. The Hot Brown honors my roots while simultaneously disgracing my arteries. Gotta love it. Once a year. (Unless it's #bingedecade)

New favorite salad dressing:

Yep, it's got mayonnaise in it. 

Some thoughts on salad dressing: I am generally not a fan of store-bought salad dressing. I tend to get bored with one jar after a while, and then it ends up wallowing in expiration purgatory. When I eat salad, I usually just prescribe to this recipe:
   1 part acid (rice vinegar, citrus juice, or a combination thereof)
   1 part sweet (brown sugar or honey)
   2 parts oil (olive, most frequently)
And then I load it up with a couple of other flavors I happen to on hand: mustard, herbs, ginger, garlic, sesame oil, soy sauce, peanut butter, etc.

I knew I wanted a kale salad last night, but I thought I would need a pretty robust dressing to stand up to the robust greens. I mixed together a squeeze of dijon mustard, the juice of half a lemon, and about a tablespoon of mayonnaise. Drizzle it on the kale, add some tomatoes, capers, and parmesan cheese, and yum!

Championship Samosas

Last Friday evening, I made samosas for the first time. Samosas are savory Indian pastries with potato filling. They were good, and perhaps with some tweaks*, blog-worthy. The implications here are ostensibly minor, right? Except for the fact that Kentucky beat Louisville in the NCAA Sweet 16 game that same evening. 

Fast forward two days to the Elite 8 game versus Michigan on Sunday. What did I do during the game? Munch on the leftover samosas, of course.

So yesterday evening, as I was anxiously wishing away the minutes until the Final 4 game against Wisconsin, I got cooking. It's an unlikely pairing, Kentucky basketball and Indian pastries, but it obviously works, so I'm not questioning the basketball gods.

Now I'm going to give you my recipe for samosas, and while I won't require you to make them Monday night, if Kentucky loses, I will blame you.

Samosas
I've had these at Indian restaurants before and really enjoyed them. I have no idea how they are traditionally made, but this is my version. I think it's pretty tasty.

Ingredients:

2 smallish Yukon gold potatoes
1 T butter
splash of milk
salt
handful of frozen peas
half a small onion, minced
1 carrot, minced
curry powder (maybe 1/2 teaspoon)
garam masala (little more than 1/2 teaspoon)
coriander (dash)
oil
puff pastry (I used about 3/4 of one sheet)
egg wash

Procedure:
1. Start by making mashed potatoes. (I peeled and chunked the potatoes, put them in salted water, and boiled them for about 15 minutes or until soft. Then I drained the water, added the butter, milk, and salt, and then mashed it all together.)

2. While the potatoes are boiling, saute the onion and carrot in the oil on medium heat. Add in the Indian seasonings, and let those cook as well. I apologize for the lack of exact measurements. I would season them way more than you think necessary though, as these seasonings are really for the entire dish.

3. When the potatoes are mashed and the onion/carrot mixture is soft and fragrant, combine them with the peas. Taste, and if you need to season more, go ahead and do it now. (The heat of the potatoes should defrost the peas pretty quickly.)

4. Roll out the pastry and cut into squares. (You can make them big or small. I made some of each.) Spoon some of the potato mixture on the square. Wet the edges of the pastry before you fold them over to get a good seal. Brush the tops with the egg wash, so they gleam when cooked. (This step is not really necessary, so don't go running out to the store if you're out of eggs.)

5. Bake at 400 for about 10-15 minutes, or until they are toasty brown.

6. Go Cats!

*See what I did there, BBN?