Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Molly's Birth Story

Part 1: Pregnancy

As I sit down to write this, Molly is one week old, sleeping peacefully in her swing. Flashback to April 1, 2023...

 

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew that I wanted to give birth with as few medical interventions as possible. I knew that I wanted to feel the awesome capabilities of my body. My pregnancy was really nondescript, just a little nausea at the beginning and some overall discomfort at the end, but I was able to continue my normal activity right up until the end.

So, I’m a healthy person having a healthy pregnancy, and at my 20-week appointment, I brought up my initial ideas about my birth plan. My OB immediately put the kibosh on my ideas, telling me that due to my age, I would be getting induced at 39 weeks. No wiggle room.

Not only did that not fit in with my goals for labor and birth, it also set off some other red flags about her unwillingness to even have a conversation.

I knew at that point I needed to seek other care. I looked into my options and found the midwife group at Regional One. I also determined that hiring a doula would further help me reach my goals.

I switched my care and hired Holly by week 24. Each appointment I went to with the midwives only confirmed my choice. I have never received that level of attention from a medical professional. Each midwife took the time to get to know me and my wishes in each appointment. They were all totally on board with my birth plan.

I kept up with my fitness routine, prenatal yoga, birth education with Holly and basically sailed through the rest of my pregnancy.

Around 38 weeks, I started to feel some period-like cramping for the first time, and my non-stress showed that I was having contractions. For the next three weeks, I did everything I could to kick start labor. I knew the midwives would want to induce before 42 weeks, so I felt that in order to achieve my goals, I had to race against their clock. So many medjool dates and cups of red raspberry tea. So much curb walking and bedroom activity.

Nothing really worked. I started getting anxious on my due date, Saturday, November 18th. That began my Thanksgiving break, so I really had nothing to do but focus on getting the baby out before an induction.

Spoiler alert. It did not work.

I went in for my 41-week appointment on Monday, November 27th, and my blood pressure was a little high for their liking. The baby looked great on the non-stress test, but the high-risk doctor told me to go home, eat something light (unfortunately, I had just ravenously downed a large bowl of chili), and then report to the hospital that evening for an induction.

I was terrified and disappointed, but at the same time, I was ready to have the baby.

Part 2: Labor  

Thus begins my labor. Here it is, told in the present tense, based on my memories and notes from Andy. 

We arrive at Regional One triage at 5PM on Monday 11/27, and I get checked into my labor and delivery suite by 6PM. The two midwives on call come into the room to talk about my induction. Coincidentally, one of them, Lacie, is 36 weeks pregnant and has been taking prenatal yoga with me. I had no idea she was even a midwife. Lacie checks me, and I am one centimeter dilated and 50% effaced, which is up from a half a centimeter last week (Progress!) She does a membrane sweep and then recommends I take a dose of cervix softener (misoprostol) to see if that will get things going.


From 6PM-10PM, I have mild contractions, and I try to rest through them. Andy and I watch Monday Night Football (Bears vs Vikings), and he tries to distract me from any discomfort. I start to get more uncomfortable, but I feel stuck in bed because every time I move, the baby comes off the monitor, and the not-so-nice night nurse has to come in and reposition it.

I get my second dose of cervix softener around 10:30PM, and things really begin to pick up close to midnight. The nurse comes and tells me the baby’s heart rate is dropping with every contraction, so I need to lie on my left side for an hour. Pure misery. Andy comes into bed with me and gives me counter pressure with each contraction. The contractions are coming every two minutes and lasting 30-45 seconds. I feel so stuck and like I can’t do any comfort measures. I was under the impression that labor would be a slow ramp up, but this is not that. It got very painful very quickly.

At 3:00AM, I get checked again, and I am two centimeters dilated but 100% effaced. Lacie is very encouraged about the work my body put in to become fully effaced, but I was disappointed with the dilation. In nine hours, I had only progressed one centimeter. We call my doula Holly and ask her to come at 4:00AM because that’s when the midwives told me I could begin intermittent monitoring. I am so looking forward to moving around.

When Holly arrives, she immediately takes charge. Without asking anyone, she unplugs my monitors and gets me up on my feet. She instructs me to relax into the contractions and let go of all the tension I am holding. My contractions are coming every one to two minutes and lasting 30 seconds. I am feeling them only in the fronts of my thighs – every contraction feels like being stung by 1,000 bees. Eventually Lacie comes back in and puts me back on the monitors because my contractions are coming so frequently. But I stay up on my feet and just deal with the cords.

After taking nine hours to go one centimeter, I start to feel really discouraged about how much pain I am in, and it is now only three hours later. I feel defeated, and I know that I can’t go on for another 18+ hours. I announce that I am ready for the epidural. The two midwives newly on shift come and ask if I want to be checked before getting the epidural, and I agree. Meredith said I was six centimeters. I am so happy to hear that, I decide I can keep going without the shot. It’s now 7:00AM, and I have new life.

Andy and Holly are so encouraging to me, and we try a ton of different positions. They show confidence in me that I don’t have in myself. Soon after getting checked, the contractions switch from my thighs to my back. I know that means the baby is turning (good news!) and is currently occiput posterior aka sunny-side up (bad news!). We need the baby to be facing my spine instead of my navel before pushing. My contractions also become double-peaked, so I feel like I cannot come down from the wave. We try even more positions to get the baby to move – all fours, side-lying, Captain Morgan pose, peanut ball, birth ball, lunges. You name it, we tried it.

Andy and Holly alternate giving me hip squeezes and words of affirmation. I become obsessed with knowing what time it is and then calculating in my head realistically how much time is left. Holly and Andy tell me it’s morning and light outside. I know I must be making progress. The pain is tremendous, but it feels productive.

At 8:00AM, the midwives check me, and I am 8 centimeters dilated, but my bag of waters is still bulging. The mission now is to get my water to break. Holly tells me once that happens, I’ll likely be pushing. My contractions come around to the front and space out a little more. I hope that means the baby has turned into proper position. I start getting the urge to push, so I come into a deep squat holding the side of the bed and push during a contraction. I feel a big pop and a huge gush of water. It’s almost time! A few contractions later, I feel the ring of fire to indicate crowning, and Holly calls the midwives so I can begin pushing.

The team arrives and tells me I can push the baby out in my current position, a deep squat right above the floor next to the bed. I don’t really want to have my baby on the ground, so I get up into the bed on hands and knees. Andy is at the head of the bed with a washcloth and fan. I push like that for about 30 minutes, and it never feels productive. Holly asks if want to squat, standing on the bed. I try that, and it immediately feels much more productive.

I push in the deep squat for another 30 minutes. In between contractions, I can stand up and rest. My body knows exactly what to do when the contractions come. I scream very loudly from my gut with each push (so much so that my throat is sore the next day).

The midwives tell me they can see the head emerging with each push and that baby has a full head of hair. I have two-three minute breaks between the pushing contractions in which I can rest and gather my strength. (I hadn’t had a break that long in over twelve hours.) I feel so clear-headed during this time. I keep wanting to ask, “How many more pushes? Am I tearing? Will you have to use the vacuum?” It feels like I have pushed for so long that the midwives are going to get called out to another birth. Despite feeling so clear-headed, I don’t ask any of these questions. I must reserve my strength. (I was shocked to learn I only pushed for one hour and five minutes. It felt so much longer.)

Every time I push, I do ask where baby is and if the head is staying out or if more of the head is visible each time. The team tells me I am doing great, but I am not really sure I believe it. They ask if I want a mirror, but I say no. I basically have had my eyes closed for twelve hours at this point, so I see no point in opening them. I want sensory deprivation.

Andy comes to the head of the bed with a wet washcloth for my face and the fan. He strokes my hair. Holly comes to the head of the bed and gives me some words of encouragement. I’m not sure what she said, but I do remember opening my eyes, looking square at her, and feeling confident that I could keep going.

After each push, the nurse moves the baby’s heart rate monitor down farther, so I know the baby is close to coming out. They tell me that the baby’s heart rate is perfect, and that he or she is tolerating the pushing well. (That makes one of us!) They also take off my contraction and heart rate monitors. This all makes me feel really good about being close.

I have one contraction where I am able to take three breaths and push each time, and it finally feels like something sticks. I stand up, and it feels like the head is still between my legs for the first time. Baby is right there.

On the next contraction, I finally feel relief with my push- I can tell the head is out. The midwives tell me to breathe and push again, and then I get the shoulders out and the rest follows.


Andy catches her and announces, “It’s a baby girl.” At this point, she is behind me as I make indescribable joyful squawks. The midwives pass her to me between my legs, and I collapse into the puddle of the bed and put her on my chest. The team surrounds me, dries her off and suctions her nose and mouth. She isn’t really crying, more just making little noises. I don’t know her Apgar score, but it has to be nearly perfect. She comes out so vital and strong.

It feels like time stands still. They get me turned around in bed, so I can sit back. Andy comes over to me, and we are simply overjoyed. I said, “It’s Molly!” And Andy was speechless.

Molly and I have skin to skin time, and the midwives begin working on me. They start me on Pitocin in my IV because I am bleeding quite a bit. They instruct me to push to get the placenta out, and it comes out easily. They tell me I am still bleeding, but they massage my uterus and announce that they got the placenta all in one piece. (I later got to see it – it was enormous!)

They somehow put new sheets on the bed with me and baby still lying on it and wipe my legs down. We had been sitting in a pile of blood and guts.

The repair process begins soon after. It is nowhere near the pain of the labor and birth, but it is definitely not pain-free. I have a second-degree tear that requires stitches. I ask Holly where my adrenaline is because I thought I was not supposed to notice the repairs. She tells me, “Look at your baby” and tries to distract me. It kind of works.

As they are finishing, Molly begins rooting around a little, and I try to get her latched. She opens wide right away and starts sucking. It is amazing. She nurses for nearly an hour.

Eventually a nurse comes in to wipe her down and measure her. She weighs 8lbs 5oz, is 20 inches long, and has a head circumference of 36 centimeters, putting her over the 80th percentile in each category. Big girl!

We stay in the L&D room for another two hours, waiting for my Pitocin IV to finish and a postpartum room to open. We came in as a couple and are leaving as a family of three. Molly truly is a miracle.

Part 3: Thank you

This is going to sound like an Oscar acceptance speech, apologies in advance. No, I don’t think giving birth unmedicated is award-worthy, but I am *bleeping* proud of myself and owe a lot to my team.

Andy and I struggled over the decision to hire a doula, and as it turned out, we are eternally grateful we did. There is a 100% chance I would have gotten the epidural were it not for Holly. She gave me the birth story of my dreams—what an amazing gift to have for the rest of my life. We hired her around Week 24, and she has been offering continuous support and counsel since.

The care I received at Regional One felt first-class. Some of the accommodations were more steerage-like, but give me amazing personal care over a state-of-the-art shower head any day. Every single employee I came into contact with was a dream, especially the L&D nurse Kaela and postpartum nurse Alayna. “The Med,” as it’s known in Memphis, gets a bad rap for being the Medicaid hospital. Clearly the people criticizing it have never received care there, at least not in the baby department. I’m glad I wasn’t influenced by those naysayers. I will forever be shouting praise all over Memphis for Regional One.

Like most people, I’m not a fan of going to the doctor, but I am counting down the days until I get to go back to the midwives for my post-birth check-up. I’m thrilled to get three-week and six-week appointments with them. I touched on this in Part 1, but the care I received from them from my first appointment on was phenomenal. The four midwives who were on call during my birth, Lacie, Sarah, Renee, and Meredith, gave me the experience of a lifetime.

And to my birth partner, Andy, who is currently holding Molly in a Moby wrap as he finishes work today. He happily went to hours of classes, read books, and prepared for the birth right alongside me. Giving up eight hours on a college football Saturday without a blink of the eye. Taking on all the housework. Being a “south” dad and catching our baby. Keeping track of all my post-birth medications. There were several times during the birth that I didn’t think I could go on. But Andy’s confidence in me was my north star. He coached me up on the goal line, and now we have our miracle.

I know a lot of women have trauma around birth that can affect their recovery from birth, bonding with the baby, and future pregnancy. I feel so blessed and lucky that I can look back on my birth with nothing but joy.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Fashion Challenge: Week 17

This is the last week of the fashion challenge, and while I'll still try to wear some new outfits in the new year, I'm not going to be so strict with the "no repeat" rule. Also, it was another week (weak?) at school, and I saved all my photos for the end, hence the same hair, make-up, and lighting. On to the outfits!


Monday (Day 54):
Gray button down from Old Navy, black jeans from J. Crew, and a scarf that Daddy Pattiwagon brought me back from Uganda. And tennies, because it's standardized testing season. Only happens, like, six times a year.

Tuesday (Day 55):
Black top and sweater from Target and blue/black skirt from the Unclaimed Baggage Store, leggings, and black booties. It has gotten a little large (well, I've gotten a little smaller), so I took some alterations practice and took in the sides to maintain a snug, high-waisted fit. 


Wednesday (Day 56): 
Black Banana pants and tunic made by Mama Pattiwagon with a pattern reminiscent of deviled eggs or avocados. The Clayton ladies may all have matching ones. It's one of those shirts that I really like but can't wear so often. See: memorable print. 

Thursday (Day 57): 
For my last day of the challenge, I chose this black skirt with exposed gold zippers on the sides. Exposed gold zippers are a fashion trend I plan to keep, even if I have to add them myself. I believe this skirt was a purchase Mama Pattiwagon made at her favorite consignment shop. It was a little big for me, so you can see more of my alterations handiwork this week. The skirt is form fitting with an elastic waistband, so I just took one side in a couple inches. Definitely not a professional job, but this is a fashion challenge, and I wasn't going to pay for that! I'm wearing it with a Bargain Barn top and cardigan from Target. 

So that concludes the fashion challenge, Pattiwagoners. Thanks for following along! 

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Fashion Challenge: Week 16

Despite the nearing conclusion* to the fashion challenge, I've got four brand new outfits for this week.

*Debating on whether or not to continue the challenge in January. I've got the clothes to wear, but I'm longing to pull out some of my old favorites for a re-wear. Stay tuned for my decision.

On to the outfits!


Monday (Day 50):
Baby blue cable-knit sweater from the Gap that I'm thinking was a Christmas present many years ago and gray plaid pants from my dear Target. Topped with pearls, I'm ready for Chapel Hill.


Tuesday (Day 51):
This dress was given to me by a colleague last year. It is a bit too big, but I remedied the length by just hacking a few inches off the bottom. Polyester blend means no hemming needed! Wore it with a black Banana blazer.


Wednesday (Day 52):
Another Christmas sweater from Ann Taylor Loft with J. Crew black pants and my beloved Target riding boots.


Thursday (Day 53):
Super cheap (and poorly made) dress from Target that has somehow survived many wearings over the last ten years. I love this dress, but it defies the laws of nature. I'm not complaining though; hopefully it'll last me another ten years. In the winter I wear it with leggings and a sweater, here a camel-colored Limited cardigan (which, yes, has appeared before in the challenge).


Saturday (Bonus (brag) Day!):
This was my outfit on Saturday for the St. Jude (half) marathon in Memphis. While I was signed up for the full, I decided in October to downgrade to the half. It was disappointing at the time; however, the half was so enjoyable and manageable that I may just opt for that distance for the foreseeable future. We shall see.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

May I Introduce you to Freekah?

(That is if you don't already know it.)

I first ate freekeh at book club a few weeks ago, prepared by my friend Jamie. She served it with some delicious Cuban food, and I immediately knew that I needed more freekeh in my life. It's a Middle Eastern grain similar to rice or quinoa, but it has much more earthiness and flavor. Jamie recommended I order it on Amazon, so as soon as book blue ended, I primed it straight to Charleswood. I've been eating it ever since.

While the instructions on the package say to use a 5:1 ratio of water/broth to freekah and cook "until done." I followed that the first time (using chicken broth) and cooked it for about 30 minutes. The freekah appeared "done," but there were still about 3 cups of unabsorbed broth in the pot. I just strained the freekah, and it tasted great.

The second time I made it, I used a 3:1 ratio and only had to strain out a little broth. That part of freekah still a work in progress, but so far, it seems to be very forgiving and difficult to screw up (a godsend for a by-the-seat-of-her-pants chef).

Once the cooked freekah is in hand, it becomes your palette. The first time I made it, I paired it with roasted butternut squash, sautéed spinach (with a little onion/garlic goodness), dried cherries, goat cheese, and a dressing of honey + brown mustard + mayo.



The next time I made it, I made it just like I did above but added chicken.



The next time I'll make it (literally as I type this right now), I think I'll do the same.

IT IS THAT GOOD. And it has that so elusive combination of healthy + delicious. You know how sometimes when you're at a county fair eating a funnel cake, you can just feel your arteries clogging? This has the opposite effect. You can feel the vitamins and protein coursing through your body. Maybe not, but it is genuinely healthy and genuinely delicious.

Thanks to Jamie for introducing me to a food that will be in my rotation for the foreseeable future.

Rejected Titles for this Post: (You're welcome.)
Lady in the streets but freekah in the sheets
Get Your Freekah On
Freekah of Nature
Control Freekah
Freekah Friday
Freekahs and Geekahs
Freekah by the Speaker

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Fashion Challenge: Week 15

Alright, Pattiwagoneers. We are nearing the end of the challenge. I have only two normal real weeks of school left plus a week a finals, in which I assume I'll be getting some jean days. The post covers the week before Thanksgiving break. I hope everyone reading had a restful and delicious Thanksgiving. I certainly did, enjoying time with both Andy and my family. On to the week-old fashion: 



Monday (Day 46): 

Black pants from J. Crew, aquamarine sweater from Banana received as a Christmas gift from Laurel a few years ago, and old standby Sperry's. I added my "Put A Bird On It" necklace (also received as a Christmas gift from Laurel) to complete this relaxed look. 


Tuesday (Day 47): 

This is a Bargain Barn special I dug out of a bin for a dollar about five years ago. I wear it sparingly (see: quality, poor), but I chose the right day this year, as I found out at school I would be giving a speech at the middle school NHS induction that same evening. Thanks to kismet I was already looking professional. 


Wednesday (Day 48):  

I documented the creation of this $8 vest on the Pattiwagon here. It's one of my proudest creations, and three years later, it's still going strong. I'm wearing it with a black cowl sweater, black J. Crew pants, and my favorite booties. (And yes, I'm still dressing for the weather I want. It was almost 70 degrees on this Wednesday.) (Both the sweater and booties were Christmas gifts from my parents. Really getting into the Christmas spirit this week!) 


Thursday (Day 49): 

This Thursday look was sponsored by Target. Shirt, pants, and vest are all Targe. (Confession, the vest is a repeat wear from Week 6. But you won't hold that against me, will you?) Shoes are my favorite mocs. 

Friday, November 10, 2017

Fashion Challenge: Week 14


We're scraping the bottom of the metaphorical clothing barrel this week, but the fashion challenge surges on. I'm featuring some hand-me-downs, both intentional and accidental. Also find some tips on savvy shopping. Read on!

Monday (Day 42): 


Simple look of yellow and gray sweater from J. Crew (Christmas present from Laurel) and black pants (intentional hand-me-down from a teacher friend). If you vocalize that you don't buy clothes, you'd be amazed at the sympathy (pity?) that drives people to just toss some clothes your way. I approach free clothes like I approach free food. Where is it? And how can I get some? I also wore my favorite boots, two gems I found at a Target in Florida for less than $15. I think Target must have made only one pair of these (real leather) boots, and I happened upon them (in my size!) one day about six years ago. My mini lottery win.

Side note: The best place to buy winter clothes? Florida. Follow the logic: 1. People move from colder climates to Florida and quickly realize they don't need their winter clothes (See: furs.) 2. Said people are often wealthy and donate said furs to Goodwill. 3. Savvy shopper Pattiwagon swoops in and buys said furs for next to nothing.


Tuesday (Day 43): 


H&M dress and jean jacket bought in Germany in 2004 when "Hah und Em" was the holy grail of savvy shoppers. Some (more recent) items of H&M clothing last one wearing, but these are still going strong after thirteen years. It was a different time. I do not recommend the current incarnation of H&M to savvy shoppers.


Wednesday (Day 44): 


Another hand-me-down alert. These plaid J. Crew pants migrated into my wardrobe circa 2009 when Laurel was cleaning out her closet. I'm pretty sure they were old then. I'm now holding on until the wide leg fashion cycle comes back. Until then, though, I'll just keep wearing them. Red sweater from Gap and black flats complete this teacher look.


Thursday (Day 45): 


Bargain Barn refashion alert! I altered this skirt from a Bargain Barn special a few years ago. Confession not included in the original post: the first time I wore it, I sat down in my car and completely ripped the zipper out. Oop! That's the price I pay for my careless sewing. However, I fixed the zipper, and we've been good every since. I'm wearing it here with a deep purple top I bought in Scottsboro, Alabama at the Unclaimed Baggage Store (another holy grail for savvy shoppers). This top would be the "accidental hand-me-down" of the week. I'm also wearing black leggings and an olive green sweater from Banana. I like this look.

Friday, November 3, 2017

Fashion Challenge: Week 13


Another week, another four outfits. This was the first week that I struggled with my wardrobe. My dress/skirt options are waning, and I know that I could just wear black pants and a different sweater every until the end of the semester, that's just too boring. I have two free weekends coming up, so hopefully you'll find me busy at work in my sewing room. On to the outfits! 


Monday (Day 38):

Last week, I told the story of the bedbug dress. On this Monday, I wore the Mardi Gras vest. I bought this vest about 10 years ago and immediately loved it. It's chunky cable knit with big nautical buttons. I was going to Mardi Gras that year, so I made sure to pack it as a cute cold weather option. I climbed up on the ladder on St. Charles to watch a parade and promptly spilled an entire beer on myself. (No surprise there.) I didn't mind smelling like beer for the rest of the day. (Blame Credit the beer for that.) But when I got home and washed the sweater, I still couldn't get the stale beer smell out. It was ingrained, and I didn't want to wash it too many times, lest I destroy it. I had only gotten to love the sweater a short time, so I wasn't willing to give up on it. I faithfully put it in the back of my closet and waited for time to heal that stench. And, tada, it worked! About a year later, I got it back out, and the smell was gone. I have worn it often every since. So, no fear, serial spillers, there is hope for your clothes! I'm wearing it with a royal blue sweater from H&M (Germany, circa 2004) and a denim skirt from Gap. Steve Madden booties and brown tights on my feet. 


Tuesday (Day 39): 

*Homemade alert* This shirt was made by Mama Pattiwagon (aka Sewing Sensei). It is so beautifully constructed that I accidentally wore it inside out last year and didn't notice until hours into the school day. Oop! I paired this teal top with some navy pants from Banana and black (navy and black, the horror!) shoes from Rack Room. 


Wednesday (Day 40): 

Black skinny jeans from J. Crew, boots from DSW, and tunic from Modcloth. This is a beloved top worn very rarely, just to keep it fresh.


Thursday (Day 41): 

Army green dress from J. Crew with a black cropped blazer/sweater from an unknown store. I can't for the life of me remember where I got this, but if anyone has a tip on where I can find another (this one is getting tired), hmu. Black tights and Nine West flats complete the ensemble.